Today I stopped and picked up the mail (at the end of the driveway) on my way home from work. This is a big deal for us, because we never go out to get mail! All of our bills and statements are online, so it is usually junk and I guess we think, "why bother." Anyway, I had a bill from my insurance...one of those statements that aren't really bills, whatever. Well, it was titled to "Baby Girl Mirth." It was our bill from her birth, how sad. It was very unexpected, ugh. I guess it leaves me a bit speechless, but I wanted to share.
So...my level today was 108!!! The nurse said that was a perfect, healthy number...not too high, not too low. Chances are good we have one little charm in there. Which is PERFECT. We won't know for sure until our u/s...but I have been thinking it's one...and a boy. I feel really connected to a little boy, and awhile ago, Zoe came to me in a dream and said we were going to get pregnant with one baby, a little boy, and things were going to be fine. :-) Sweet little baby of mine...comforting her momma even in spirit. It's strange to be pregnant right now...It doesn't feel real quite yet. It does, but it doesn't. I feel really secure about this pregnancy...almost at peace. I feel deep in my heart we are going to bring home a living baby. It's will be strange to be a mother of 2, one in spirit and one here on Earth. I love Zoelle so deeply, and miss her with each breath I take. I wish she was here to share in the joy of this new life. At the same time, the new life
oh kate...i am so sorry! I remember signing up online at different pregnancy sites with each pregnancy we had...well we would miscarry and I would forget to let the site know and well just yesterday i got an email saying "39 weeks" and it was hard to remember that is where I would be right now with my fourth if I had not lost them! Reminders like that are hard!
ReplyDeleteThat is very sad. My husband dealt with all the mail from that time, but I know he saw some sad charges as well. =( Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate,
ReplyDeleteI so understand everything you are talking about, but for some reason chose to comment here. I'm sure it is because we received our hospital bill this week. I thought, gee thanks for reminder of all I went through and the fact that I didn't get to bring home my baby.
I lost my daughter, Ella on 3/15 at 23 weeks probably due to incompetent cervix. I have found these blogs to be so therapeutic. Its so sad to see how many women have lost their babies, but it's nice to know that your feelings and emotions are "normal. " I still have moments when I forget that everything happened and that my baby is still on her way. It really sucks.
Bree