I am having a very sad morning....missing my baby. Sometimes I am not for sure what happens after we die, actually most of the time I am unsure. I do hope that we live on, that way we will all get to see our little angels again. I long to see her again. It's upsetting that she is gone in the first place. I have a feeling a am going to hate this month. Actually I am setting myself up to do so, I hate this month. I hope the old saying holds true...April showers bring May flowers. I just keep telling myself to make it through this painful month...I can do this. I do it for her, for Tim, for all of the people I love and hold near to my heart.
For all of my PCOS girls out there, I am sure many of you understand the woes of irregular periods and anovulation. Well...after Zoe was born I had bleeding for a while, then it stopped for a week, and started again. At first, I thought it was just spotting...but I believe I ovulated and had a period! I actually am having my second period right now...which means I very well could be ovulating every month. (cross your fingers!!) I can't even begin telling you how great that would be...well, actually I am sure I could! Anyway...I hope we can get pregnant again...I hope Zoe will have a sibling...sooner then later! Regardless...I am still having a sad day. I miss you jelly bean! Who knows...maybe April shower's will bring May's BFP! :-)
I am so sorry Kate. I wish I could tell you that this month will be "better". Do you track your ovulation with tempting or watching cervical mucus or anything? Mine were all messed up till I started a progestrone/estrogen therapy.
ReplyDeleteI am sure your scrapbook is turning out wonderfully. You should share baby Zoelle with the world... She is special and unique. Lately I've been reading so many stories about sick children, children living in NICU's and PICU's and then dying...Steve and I were talking the other night- atleast Angel didn't know any pain...I don't think your Zoelle knew pain either... that's one positive thing I try to cling too. I know losing her is so painful... each day is hard-as it should be. That means you are a good mother! As terrible as that sounds. You loved your baby and miss her dearly. I am sure making the scrapbook helps. I know after Angel died- I kept feeling like i needed to do something for her... your scrapbook sounds like a great present for her and a great therapy for you as well. HUGS!
There are days and months that will never be the same for us and it sucks. After losing Gregory, I ovulated on my own and had a non-medicine induced AF for the first time since July 2006! Being pregnant helped regulate things for me, so hopefully this is a new development for you also and that it helps make it easier to TTC next time around.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't that be WONDERFUL?! A May BFP, that is... All fingers and toes are crossed for you guys. At least April is starting to look up a bit (following our snow showers earlier in the week, that is!). I'm so ready for some warmth and sunshine!
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