Mediocre Ninja Kate

This week has been difficult at best. Even though I have been back to work for 5 weeks now, everyday someone asks me about the baby. I work at a pretty big hospital, but small enough where you quickly get to know many people. Yesterday I thought I was in the clear when I was leaving work, but one of the girls from another department saw me...despite my ninja like abilities these days, I am always found!

The enemy: "Hey Kate! When did you have the baby?"

Ninja: "January 4th" (for some reason, I thought that answer would be good enough, end of conversation, I was delusional!)

The enemy: "Congrats, what did you have? How is the baby doing?"

Ninja: "We had a little girl, Zoe....uh...well...unfortunately she passed away. " (ehh, here we go right!)

The enemy: awkward silence "Oh my God, I am so sorry, I didn't know. Well, maybe it's for the best."

Ninja: "Yeah, well, I am a ninja...do you want to rethink that comment?! I have ninja stars in my pocket!" Okay...I didn't say that...ha! It went more like..."Don't worry about it, you didn't know, it's okay."

As a grieving mother, I deal with my own grief daily in addition to comforting others around me that I make uncomfortable with my horrifically sad story. If I were truly a ninja, I would do a much better job avoiding the inevitable question.

After I got home from work, I cried all day. I worked on Zoe's scrapbook a bit ( I have a total 0f 5 pages completed) It looks perfect. I had an overall exhausting day. I was supposed to work that night, but I called off. I am not one for call off, but a mental health day was calling my name. Plus April due date prego girl was supposed to be at work, and we had a very strange encounter the week before. I wasn't ready for round 2. I can't remember if I posted about that or not...but the short story, I cried for the first time at work when I saw her last week. I thought I could go unnoticed by preggo, but she noticed! A while later she said "I am sure I am the last person you want to work beside tonight. I know our babies were only a few days apart." She just wouldn't drop it! SO I kindly told her I didn't want to talk about it. Ehh...tears at work. I hate crying at work. I swear one of these days my boss is going to call me in the office and tell me I am unstable and unfit to work..."you are the weakest link, goodbye!"

Speaking of her scrapbook...I went to my favorite scrapbook place the other day to print my pictures of Zoe and her service. (HUGE STEP! I was well out of baby step range here people!) The lady there asked me about the baby! What?? I don't even know your name? This means a couple of things....

1. I go to this place more often than I thought
2. I would never want to add up all of the money I have spent over the last few years from there! Yikes!

Anyway...yet another awkward conversation between ninja and enemy.

Moral of the story: I am a terrible wanna be ninja!!