Kate's Corner

So I couldn't resist!!! I tried! Yesterday morning I woke up at 4:30 with the urge! The urge to hopefully break our BFN streak and prove to be pregnant. Well, into the bathroom I went, gingerly tip-toeing across the hardwood, attempting to avoid waking up Tim. I slowing opened the home pregnancy test package, praying that what I have been expecting was true. There I was, starring at the test...waiting for the line to arrive (Where else to go during the wee hours of the morning...I was trying not to wake up Tim, or the pups downstairs!). Then it appeared, like a magic trick right before my very own eyes! The faintest of faint pink line. It was so faint, I thought for sure it wasn't real. I bursted back into the bedroom "Tim...Tim...are yo awake?" In reply "Kate, it's 4:30 in the morning, what the heck are you doing up?" "I just took a pregnancy test, there are TWO LINES!" Tim's first reply was "why are you testing already and why at 4:

Okay...if I test early and it's negative...then I just totally freak out and cry. Thus, why I should WAIT!!! 9 More days!!! I can hardly contain myself!!!

So all in all the FET went well. We did have a minor bump in the road with the thawing process. Long story short, out of the six they thawed...only 3 survived (an usually low number, they were not for sure why). Of the 3 that survived, only one looked okay to transfer (I am referring to our zygotes, which are frozen upon conception. Those of the embryos numbered 1-3.) So we transferred #2, which our embryologist said with a typical embryo. Embryo's 4 and 5 are blast cells, which are embryos that grow to day five. When we originally had our retrieval I had 7 beautiful blast cells (along with 2 enormous ovaries and out of control estrogen levels, thus the FET)so they had to be frozen as well. :-( When they thaw the embryos they have to re-expand due to the water loss during the freezing process. So, embryo #4 is re expanding in this picture, and embryo #5 is fully re-expanded. #5, is a perfect grade A embryo, and our embryologist couldn't be happier with that little guy. He said

I can't believe my FET is NEXT WEEK! I seem to be waxing and weaning between optimistic and pessimistic about the outcomes of this whole process. Most of the time I feel like it's going to work. Why wouldn't it, right? A good predictor for IVF success is previous pregnancy...and although we did lose Zoelle due to preterm labor...I am optimistic the same tragedy won't strike twice (call me naive...but I have to tell myself it is possible to bring a healthy, living baby home). However, I most certainly have my moments when my brain gets the best of me. Last night, I frantically texted my dear friend, Bree expressing my flood of pessimism. She reminded me that this nagging feeling is normal, because the truth of the matter is I have been wounded. How true. Sometimes it hard to just chill the hell out and let this process take its course (I am getting a little impatient quite frankly!). I am doing all that I can. I wish I could see the future and know our baby will make i

Dear Uterus, In less then two weeks our second pregnancy begins. Please keep our little embryo's safe and nestled tightly in your womb. I promise to provide you with proper nutrients, vitamins and water. Please stay relaxed and happy! A happy uterus makes for a happy mother. :-) I would greatly appreciate you behaving for at least 37 weeks. Dear uterus, I would like you to recite this mantra over and over..."I am like velcro! I am like velcro!" We can do this! Please be gentle with our little peanuts...this means the world to us. Thanks Uterus! Love, Your body!

Thank you Lisa for the beautiful pictures. They truly brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful tribute to all of our babies.

For the first time in a long time I have a sense of renewal running through my veins. We are well on our way to a transfer in just a few weeks, and I can't wait. I feel so good about this working, almost confident (but lets not get too excited just yet! hehe). I have been waiting patiently (and not-so patiently at times) for this moment to arrive. My little tree of life has given me a gift...a new seed to plant. I am excited about the prospect of a new life growing inside...and furthermore a life very much connected to my daughter. I know she is with me every moment, and I know she is guiding our way through this process. This journey has been trying, exhausting, painful and heartbreaking. However as the clouds break and sun begins to shine through...I see ray of hope beaming relief down upon me. Motherhood to my angel has taught me 3 very tough gut wrenching lessons... 1) acceptance; accecpting the loss of my fertility, the loss of my daughter, the loss of even friends. Accepting