Kate's Corner

October 15th is a day to remember our sweet babies who have come and gone all too soon. I have been wanting to do something for all of the baby momma's who have supported me so dearly for sometime now, but nothing has seem to come to me. In honor of all of our babies I would like to light a candle for each baby on October 15th. If you would like me to light a candle for you, or someone you know...please send me an email with the babies name and birthday and I will with love honor your sweet baby. Please feel free to contact me if you would like me to add your name. Bree- Ella March 15,2009 Courtney- Brody & Logan January 31, 2009 Andrea- Tenley Jayne December 29, 2008 Cindy- Brad, James, Jeff and Mindy Erica- Angel March 15, 2008 Holly- Gregory September 12, 2008 Brenna- Paul, Joey, Adam September 25, 2008 Nan & Mike- Shelby, Megan & Lynne March 6, 2009 Birni- Ciaran September 30, 2008 April- Jeremiah October 2005, Peace December 23,2006, Hope April 8, 2007, Sky Octobe

Well...my follicles are getting close...so it looks like I will trigger tomorrow or Wednesday for either a Thursday or Friday retrieval. My estrogen level was 2000 yesterday (WHOA!!!!) so depending on what it is today, my nurse is going to call me to possibly decrease the dose by half (down to 75 units daily). I am feeling extremely tender at the moment...I definitely know my ovaries are there. We talked about transfer dates today...we are thinking December 17th, Tim's Birthday. Last year on his birthday we had the greatest u/s ever and found out our little jelly bean was a girl. I told Tim we could do it the week before or week after if he wanted. I guess we will see. A part of me thinks it would be really special to share that day again with our future baby/babies...Zoelle would be happy, I am sure. I have been tearful all day...my mind was so focused on transferring next week...I feel like I ran into a brick wall that I didn't even see. And it hurts, Dammit! Today is sad. I

Well, once again here we are with my freak ovaries doing exactly what we all expected them to do...going nuts! I am on a super low dose of follistm and the lupron protocol which should help negate and ward off the evil ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome...but no. My ovaries have so many follicles today...he didn't even bother counting. I have at least 30...but I am sure a few more. Right now, my biggest follicles are 14mm in size. The doctor this morning was quite dramatic and honestly very annoying! (not my normal doc) He was making this big production about how terribly "off the hook" my ovaries are. He made the comment "when I see ovaries like this, I get scared." Meaning; you are going to hyperstimulate...and it could be severe enough to end up in the hospital! Right now I want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay...so what is the plan? 1) They want to see me everyday this week! Overkill...I think so...but whatever! 2) Retrieval will most likely be this weekend 3

I have been on facebook this week...mainly to torture myself with cute pictures of happy mommies and little babies the same age as Zoe. I need to find a facebook anonymous meeting... "my name is Kate and I am addicted to the infliction of self torture via scanning through pictures on facebook of babies and baby bellies." sigh... maybe I should crawl back into my dark whole where we once spoke face to face with our friends. Facebook to me a facade of happiness. Happy little pictures with cute little updates of daily ramblings. I pretend to be no such thing...my life has it's up's...but most certainly it has it's downs. But here's the thing...NO ONE gives a shit about your "downs." No one wants to hear the uncomfortable true response to "how are you?." "Oh..I am stressed out grieving mother who is hormonal as hell and really wants to bite someone's head off!" Yes, this could be the hormones talking...I mean...it's not like