A beautiful friend of mine wrote Zoe's name in the sand...what a wonderful surprise! I now have two pictures of her name in the sand, and I love them dearly. It's interesting to me because Tim has always told me that when he passes away, he wants his ashes to be scattered in the ocean. It's not what I would want for myself, but when that day comes (hopefully many, many years from now) I will fulfill that wish for him. It seems to fit now. I see a picture of my daughters name in the sand and it makes me think about the wonders of the Ocean. it's such a beautiful peaceful place, yet full of mystery and sadness. The situation around Zoe feels similar. Thinking of her brings me to a warm, loving place, yet I am saddened by her loss and miss her with every breath I breathe. Hopefully one day soon, we will visit the ocean and write her name in the sand and other little one's who have touched our lives through this journey.
So...my level today was 108!!! The nurse said that was a perfect, healthy number...not too high, not too low. Chances are good we have one little charm in there. Which is PERFECT. We won't know for sure until our u/s...but I have been thinking it's one...and a boy. I feel really connected to a little boy, and awhile ago, Zoe came to me in a dream and said we were going to get pregnant with one baby, a little boy, and things were going to be fine. :-) Sweet little baby of mine...comforting her momma even in spirit. It's strange to be pregnant right now...It doesn't feel real quite yet. It does, but it doesn't. I feel really secure about this pregnancy...almost at peace. I feel deep in my heart we are going to bring home a living baby. It's will be strange to be a mother of 2, one in spirit and one here on Earth. I love Zoelle so deeply, and miss her with each breath I take. I wish she was here to share in the joy of this new life. At the same time, the new life ...
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