So it's been a couple of weeks...I have been a blog slacker! Much has happened. January 24th was Zoe's memorial service, it was perfect. Well, I guess as perfect as an infant ceremony can be. Anyway, we had so many of the people we love there and it showed me once again how special new life is in our lives. Zoe was truly loved.
Tim and I are getting memorial tattoos either this week or next. I am so excited. I am getting her little footprints with butterfly wings and her name. I actually found the perfect wings! Tim is getting her feet over her his heart. My mom wants to get her footprints on her foot...I thought that was awesome. I feel like having a memorial of her will make me feel closer to her.
As for my tears, I am still crying everyday. I am no longer sobbing uncontrollably, but my tears have not stopped. It's funny how much you can cry...very surreal. I have a CD of the songs we played at the service, it's in my car and it is the only thing I listen to. I feel like sometimes I am torturing myself my continually playing it, but I just can't take it out. All of her things from the memorial table are sitting on our kitchen table in a box...I can't put them away. Once again, you would think it would be easier to put them away...but it feels too final.
Anyway...I know it is only going to get harder before it gets easier. I know that. Until that time arrives all I can do is keep waking up everyday, breathing and doing the best I can. I am not strong, I just don't have a choice.
I would like to write about my soap box of the day...
2 people or groups of people I should say come to mind...
1. The octuplet lady
2. The Duggars
I will start with the milder of the offenders. I guess it is unfair to say the octuplet lady bothers me. It's more all of the people who won't give her a fucking break. Leave the woman alone! Yeah, she may very well be crazy, I don't know. I don't even really know the situation at all, don't care to. However, people (the media for certain) are very quick to judge people who use fertility drugs. Let me clear the air a bit...
First....I highly doubt she underwent IVF. I can't imagine for the life of me that a highly educated reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in the care of woman with fertility problems would fertilize her with 8 EGGS!!! Are you serious? I would like to talk to that guy or girl!!!! That is why I highly doubt it happened. Chances are greater that she used a medication that stimulated egg production which can cause you to release multiple eggs. I know this all to well as it happened to me...I ovulated 5 eggs when I became pregnant with my little one. Okay...lets say that was the case. Still, again...the doctor should have seen she was unsafe to proceed with treatment and cancel the cycle. So...the whole situation is shady...but non the less I greatly feel like this situation is not helping the cause of infertility awareness. Infertility is a painful, heart wrenching disorder and it is not to be judged or taken lightly. Once again, this women could be crazy for all I know. I just think the whole thing is nuts and it is giving fertility treatments a bad name!!! By the way...who cares if she doesn't have a husband. Get over it people!!! If she can care for her children (which I have no idea if she can or cannot) then more power to any individual who has children, male or female! I say again, I don't know what the story is, I just know the whole thing annoys me.
Enough of that...
Next...The Duggars! Ehhh...I feel like it is a dirty word. People are so quick to judge couples who have multiple children using fertility treatments, yet when GOD is involved it's okay to procreate until your vagina falls out! That family annoys me! They seem nice and happy...but seriously...what the hell?? Why do they have a TV show? Can someone please answer that for me? My best guess is because they are out of the ordinary, it a very extreme way and people eat weird up like girl scot cookies! Familys today typically don't have millions of children. I really don't have much of an argument here other than I just think they are a bit strange. To each their own I guess.
Okay...enough Duggar bashing!!
Hey- its too early here in CA and I can't sleep. I've been reading some of your old posts. Did you end up getting the tattoo? You should post pics. I want to get Ella's name written very tiny on the back side of my wrist or maybe her hand print on my shoulder. I have to talk to my doctor bc I scar pretty badly. I'm not sure if it will happen with a tattoo.
ReplyDeleteOkay- shows I despise (but, find myself watching)- 16 and pregnant, survive sextuplets, a baby story. Ugh!