One Month

When I come to terms to terms with this
When I come to terms with this
When I come to terms to terms with this
My world will change for me
I haven't moved since the call came
Since the call came I haven't moved
I stare at the wall knowing on the other side
The storm that waits for me

~Tori Amos, Parasol

It's been one month today since little Zoelle passed away. It's terribly hard to believe it is real. I actually caught myself talking to my belly yesterday, thinking she was still there. Even after a month, I still can't comprehend it all.

While I was in the hospital I listened to Tori (my favorite song, Parasol) with Tim's giant, musician headphones. Sometimes I feel like she is singing to me, like she knows exactly what I am facing and how terrible I feel. I know that is a bit crazy, but nonetheless it seems that way. We played a beautiful Tori song at Zoe's memorial, Gold Dust. Tim actually thought of it...the song was perfect. While I was looking up the lyrics, I found this quote about the song from Tori...

"Gold Dust is very much about being other people and feeling how they feel. And feeling how you felt in another time, when you've been in another place. And it really isn't your past because somehow these frames are written on your body and they've made you what you are" ~Tori Amos

I guess we all have that artist who's musics touches are hearts. Tori is that artist for me.

Anyway...I miss my baby everyday, and I know I will continue to miss her for the rest of my life. I also know, one day I will see her again. And as my grandma said to me, she will be as beautiful as the day she was born.

I love you Zoe!