I want to make a scrapbook in memory of Zoe. I has so many wonderful memories in addition to the bittersweet memories. I have a 40% off coupon for Joanne's, so last night I was off with the goal to come home with a scrapbook and goodies to fill the pages. With cart in hand I meandered through the isles carefully choosing themes for each page. Everything was 40 % off, so it was the perfect time to save a few dollars! After spending at least an hour in the scrapbook section, I headed for the checkout...but I couldn't do it. I froze. Nothing I picked out was good enough...nothing was right for her. I couldn't get this out of my head...it needed to be better...I needed to make her book perfect. So, I turned around and put it all away, and I left.
I know whatever I make will be beautiful and special because it will be filled with memories of little Zoe. I concluded while driving home that I am simply not ready to make that purchase. I am close, but not quite there. It takes time...this whole process takes precious time.
Tim reassured me it was okay I felt this way, and I will pick things out when I am ready. He too had a similar experience while writing a song for her to play at her memorial service. Tim is a wonderful musician who plays the guitar. He wrote a beautiful song, "Zoelle's Lullaby"...the song was perfect, truly. He told me he felt the same way when he was writing, nothing seems good enough. In the end, it was perfect...it came from his heart...from daddy, to his little girl.
So, hopefully soon I can do this for her, sooner then later. I really want to finish it because I want to have something to show my friends and family. I know it will be from my heart because she is from my heart.
I know whatever I make will be beautiful and special because it will be filled with memories of little Zoe. I concluded while driving home that I am simply not ready to make that purchase. I am close, but not quite there. It takes time...this whole process takes precious time.
Tim reassured me it was okay I felt this way, and I will pick things out when I am ready. He too had a similar experience while writing a song for her to play at her memorial service. Tim is a wonderful musician who plays the guitar. He wrote a beautiful song, "Zoelle's Lullaby"...the song was perfect, truly. He told me he felt the same way when he was writing, nothing seems good enough. In the end, it was perfect...it came from his heart...from daddy, to his little girl.
So, hopefully soon I can do this for her, sooner then later. I really want to finish it because I want to have something to show my friends and family. I know it will be from my heart because she is from my heart.
Awwwwe HUGSS!!! Take your time. It takes awhile to be able to do something like that. I am sure her pictures are beautiful. Anything you make will be great, I can feel it. It will be perfect because it came out of your love for her. I'm actually pretty amazed you actually went out to the store. You are a lot stronger than I was... I couldn't go anywhere for 3 months. I was so afraid I would see someone I knew. The first time I went out, I made hubby drive over an hour to another town... baby steps at a time... you made the step of trying to pick something out- that is HUGE!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you Mama.
I absolutely sympathize with you. I made a scrapbook for Gregory, but was so caught up on it being perfect. He was a perfect baby and I couldn't just slap something together. Now I am proud of it, but it was difficult to make and brought out lots of tears. I felt relief after it was done. I posted pictures of each page on my blog if you are interested in seeing it.
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