Kate's Corner

I found this poem today and I wanted to share. Love, Kate Angel Moms Submitted by: Carol's Creations Author: Judi Walker Angel Moms We have shared our tears and our sorrow, We have given encouragement to each other, Given hope for a brighter tomorrow, We share the title of grieving mother. Some of us lost older daughters or sons, Who we watched grow over the years, Some have lost their babies before their lives begun, But no matter the age , we cry the same tears. We understand each others pain, The bond we share is very strong, With each other there is no need to explain, The path we walk is hard and long. Our children brought us together, They didn't want us on this journey alone, They knew we needed each other, To survive the pain of them being gone. So take my hand my friend, We may stumble and fall along the way, But we'll get up and try again, Because together we can make it day by day. We can give each other hope, We'll create a place where we belong, Together we...

My dear baby, Thank you. Thank you for choosing me, for choosing all of us to share our love with you and your love with us. Your precious life was short, but your memory will live forever. I know that you will be in the hearts our family for generations to come. Your birthday will always be celebrated, your due date will never be forgotten and your pictures will bring tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. I am proud to be your mommy. I sent pictures of you to my family today and everyone agrees that you are beautiful. I will cherish the pictures and memories I have of you for a lifetime. Daddy wrote a song for you, Zoelle's Lullaby. One day, we will play it for your brother or sister and tell them the beautiful story of your life. One day I will see you again in heaven, and I will hold you and kiss your sweet head just like the day you were born. My dear Zoe, I miss you and love you my sweet angel. Love, Mommy

I want to make a scrapbook in memory of Zoe. I has so many wonderful memories in addition to the bittersweet memories. I have a 40% off coupon for Joanne's, so last night I was off with the goal to come home with a scrapbook and goodies to fill the pages. With cart in hand I meandered through the isles carefully choosing themes for each page. Everything was 40 % off, so it was the perfect time to save a few dollars! After spending at least an hour in the scrapbook section, I headed for the checkout...but I couldn't do it. I froze. Nothing I picked out was good enough...nothing was right for her. I couldn't get this out of my head...it needed to be better...I needed to make her book perfect. So, I turned around and put it all away, and I left. I know whatever I make will be beautiful and special because it will be filled with memories of little Zoe. I concluded while driving home that I am simply not ready to make that purchase. I am close, but not quite there. It takes tim...

My family and I are raising money and walking in the March for Babies in honor of Zoelle. I am so thankful for my family and friends who want to do this with us! Check out team Mirthful's site if you get a chance.

My heart is breaking today. I am deeply saddened by the loss of little Zoelle. I am still no closer to understanding "why" today then I was 6 weeks ago. I do know that I am lost and broken. A piece of us has been taken away without remorse or without answer. I would like to think that this is not of some divine intervention or God's will. Please, God, please tell me you did not take her. Tears are flowing down my face as I type... We had a very difficult time becoming pregnant. I watched couple after couple get pregnant without any problem at all. I was asked the "when are you having a baby" question time after time, knowing that we were trying...unsuccessfully. The thought of stepping into the RE's office again is so painful. Infertility is painful in so many ways, and seems to laugh in your face. So many hurtful things were said to us while we were trying to conceive...people are so ignorant. I don't understand it, really. I longed for a baby, now I ...

A beautiful couple in Australia writes baby's names in the sand to honor their precious lives. What a beautiful gift for those who feel the pain of losing their child. We love you baby Zoelle. http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/2009/02/zoelle.html

Everyday I am amazed by how much my little angel has touched the lives of others, and changed my life forever. To those who have lost a little one or know a little one who has passed, you understand the impact these little, tiny babies have on our lives. Although I am selfish and want her here, I am thankful for the gifts she has given me. Through her death I have met beautiful friends, our little angels have brought us together and I know they are smiling. My mom and dad bought her a beautiful arrangement for the service which contained branches of some sort. Once the flowers had wilted, I decided to put the branches in a vase, I thought it looked fun and contemporary. Low and behold the branches are budding and growing roots. Forgive me, I can't remember what type of bush it is at the moment...starts with an "f"! Anyway, I am very excited! It blooms in the spring, which is wonderful because I can plant it in Zoe's garden. My little butterfly, I love her dearly. The ...

Tim and I went to dinner this weekend at Chili's and I must say I had an incredibly strange experience. All of the waiters had on black tee's with the statement "Do you want your baby backs?" Are you freaking kidding me! The first time I read the shirt, I didn't see the "s" on the end of backs. None-the-less it really bothered me, and caught me off guard. What advertisement firm thought that was a good idea? When dealing with the general public, it seems to me it is important to be sensitive to their needs. Using that statement could be a painful question for people in multiple situations; loss of a child, a mother, sister, friend, spouse or maybe the loss of an adaption. I am seriously considering writing to Chili's and telling them about my experience with their bright baby back idea! Update...My letter to Chili's To Whom it may concern: My husband and I dinned at Chili's yesterday for lunch. We are frequent customers and have never had ...

I feel very sad today. I miss Zoe. My feelings wavier from sad to angry. It's hard to believe in god when something like this happens. Why should I? What should I feel? Is god listening? Can god hear me? It just doesn't make sense. When you lose a child, a child that you wanted so much and loved so dearly, it is merely impossible to understand why god didn't intervene. It's funny how it all plays out...I was on several pray chains and prayer list and people prayed everyday...but for what? If prayer works, why would god chose to ignore all of those prayers and let her die? Let me guess...it was God's plan, and one day I will understand. I hope so...because when I meet god...I am going to have a few questions.

Ambien!! I love Ambien! Can I just tell you I can actually sleep during the day now. Today was the first day I have ever taken anything during the day, a night before I work. Wow. I slept like a normal person. I am sure it helps that is was cool, cloudy and rainly...the best daytime sleeping weather. However, I slept great. Work...well, it wasn't so bad. I do work with a girl whose due date is a week before mine. I acutally cried when I saw her. I managed to hide my tears and pull it together, none the less, it was difficult. It's funny thing, work. Everyone tells me "oh it will be great to be back in a schedule." Let me tell you...I have no problem aquiring a schedule that does not revolve around work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job...but I also love not working! ha! Speaking of work...time to get ready to leave.

Ehh...it sounds terrible. Honestly, I am freaking the hell out! First of all, it makes me so sad to be around pregnant woman. Why them....why do they get to keep their baby? I know, I know...that is terrible, but I can't help it. I woke up today and everything about today feels wrong! I don't want to go to work knowing Zoe is gone. I left work 7 weeks ago and she was fine! She was fine damnit. I don't understand. Plus...I am not for sure how I am going to manage to stay up ALL night long. That sounds horrible as well. Basically, I am a mess today. I miss my baby terribly, I am sad and I have been crying since I woke up. What a freaking mess!

Sometimes I feel like I have shitty luck! Seriously, if something can go wrong...it will. In the last 5 weeks these are the things that have happened. 1. My water broke 2. Zoe passed away 3. Our car broke down when we got home from the hospital 4. Tim's student loan got all screwed up 5. Our ceiling leaks in the living room-land lord hasn't fixed it 6. Our car broke down again! 7. I got a speeding ticket the day my broke down for the second time Hmmm...I know there is more but I just can't think of them! ha. Seriously, it is almost comical. However I have had many beautiful things happen in my life, so I suppose it would only make sense to list those as well. 1. We met the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, our daughter 2. Our family and friends have been AMAZING!!! 3. Tim and I have grown and learned a great deal about each other and our selves. 4. I have met a group of people through a support group who are incredible and caring! 5. We are in the midst of buying a hou...

When I come to terms to terms with this When I come to terms with this When I come to terms to terms with this My world will change for me I haven't moved since the call came Since the call came I haven't moved I stare at the wall knowing on the other side The storm that waits for me ~Tori Amos, Parasol It's been one month today since little Zoelle passed away. It's terribly hard to believe it is real. I actually caught myself talking to my belly yesterday, thinking she was still there. Even after a month, I still can't comprehend it all. While I was in the hospital I listened to Tori (my favorite song, Parasol ) with Tim's giant, musician headphones. Sometimes I feel like she is singing to me, like she knows exactly what I am facing and how terrible I feel. I know that is a bit crazy, but nonetheless it seems that way. We played a beautiful Tori song at Zoe's memorial, Gold Dust . Tim actually thought of it...the song was perfect. While I was looking up t...

Today I was reading through old emails that Tim and I wrote to each other. Sometimes life truly feels like a lifetime ago. So it made me want to post an OLD picture. This picture was from my senior banquet for the College of Nursing. I feel really thankful to have such a wonderful friend and husband. We have been through some terrible shit, but we always seem to make it back into each others arms. Tim loves me, and I love him dearly!

So it's been a couple of weeks...I have been a blog slacker! Much has happened. January 24th was Zoe's memorial service, it was perfect. Well, I guess as perfect as an infant ceremony can be. Anyway, we had so many of the people we love there and it showed me once again how special new life is in our lives. Zoe was truly loved. Tim and I are getting memorial tattoos either this week or next. I am so excited. I am getting her little footprints with butterfly wings and her name. I actually found the perfect wings! Tim is getting her feet over her his heart. My mom wants to get her footprints on her foot...I thought that was awesome. I feel like having a memorial of her will make me feel closer to her. As for my tears, I am still crying everyday. I am no longer sobbing uncontrollably, but my tears have not stopped. It's funny how much you can cry...very surreal. I have a CD of the songs we played at the service, it's in my car and it is the only thing I listen to. I feel l...