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Come on cervix

Well, I am starting to feel a bit anxious about my cervical length. This week it wasn't as stellar as it has been...I am not jumping for joy about a length of 2.6-2.7cm. Hopefully when we go back next week all will be well! Lengthen cervix, lengthen! I am ready for it to be Wednesday already (my next appointment). I feel like I am walking on eggshells right now. Constantly wondering, is this it. Is this the last time I am going to feel her move. How sad. How sad that my perspective on pregnancy has changed so much this time around.

Early on with this pregnancy I thought I would be ready to start the nursery and register pretty early. I am SOOO not ready. I am not for sure when we will be ready. I am just so scared right now.

I have found with this pregnancy, it is more an emotional battle then a physical battle. For the most part I feel really good physically. I have had no bleeding (like last time), no cramping or irritable uterus (like last time). BUT...I have PTL looming over my head...as if it may strike at any moment. With this pregnancy I also feel more pelvic pressure. I actually didn't notice it at all with our first. I don't know...I am just worried.

I am officially 23 weeks today. 99 days until 37 weeks! I can do that, right?


I am just praying to get out of this "limbo" period where if she was born there is nothing they can do. Honestly, I want to get to at least 26 weeks! Then I question myself...why am I worried about this right now? So far so good! It's just scary! This whole process of pregnancy after infant death is HORRIBLE! Of course I am excited to be pregnant! I love this little girl dearly...I just need to learn to trust my body, and my intuition.

My new mantra: Trust my body and believe!

Comments

  1. AngelaJuly 15, 2010 at 8:05 AM

    Kate, I am thinking of you every day! It is just difficult dealing w/ a preg. after loss. Every second is scary! We are 37 weeks on Saturday, w/ an amnio scheduled to check for fetal lung development on 7/21, and a pending c section on 7/22 and I am TERRIFIED her lungs wont be developed, or that the GD will mess up her sugar and she will be sick....getting to the end is so scary b/c Ella died at 39 weeks....there is no happy medium for sure! I did NOT want to do the nursery either. We did though, and that is just scary too. Hugs!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. MaggieJuly 15, 2010 at 9:11 AM

    Thinking of you so much Kate!! I wish we didn't have to be crazy worried and just BE like those innocent people! Hang in there! You're doing great!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LisaJuly 15, 2010 at 9:29 AM

    Kate, I came across your blog and just wanted to tell you that if you feel uneasy or questioning anything before you next appointment you should call and ask to be seen right away. I lost triplets back in 2008 at 19 weeks and then got pregnant again with a singleton and I saw a High Risk Perinatal clinic and they were watching my cervix extremely closely. At 21 weeks they put me on bed rest and then at 24 weeks I had to have an emergency cerclage because I was dilated to a 1. Thankfully my cerclage stitch was successful and I went onto have a healthy baby boy at 34 weeks. I ultimately was induced at 34 weeks due to low amniotic fluid otherwise I think I would have made it to 37 weeks because when they took the stitch out my cervix was closed. I don’t want to scare you, but just make sure that if you ever feel like something isn’t right don’t hesitate to call and ask to be seen right away for another measurement. You can check out my blog from last summer and read about my appointments. http://jonestripletangels.blogspot.com/ My clinic started to get concerned when the measurement fell between 2.0 and 2.5. I will pray for you that your pregnancy continues to go well and you will be holding your baby in your arms in 99 days.

    ReplyDelete
  4. StaceJuly 15, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling so scared this time around. :( I am always praying for you... chanting your mantra with you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AyaJuly 15, 2010 at 11:42 PM

    Kate, I'm thinking about you, Tim, Zoe, Little Miss Mirth, and animals on your tough week. Also, happy anniversary to you! I'm talking to your cervix right now. Lengthen. Lengthen. LENGTHEN! Did you hear it? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. MaryJuly 16, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    It is just inevitable not to worry. I wish this were less stressful. I wish that we weren't dealt with this heartbreak and we could all go back to being naive. But, I am praying for baby Mirth.

    ReplyDelete

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