Skip to main content

Peace and strength...

I struggle with my journey. How did I get here? What am I supposed to learn? What is the purpose of my life? I seek answers to only discover more questions. I know I am not alone. For the last 2 years my life has been consumed with becoming pregnant, and now I am overtaken by grief. Grief for the death of my daughter, and grief for the loss of my own fertility. My energy is depleted and my heart is heavy. My focus needs to change...only I can choose to pull myself from this darkness. I accept my pain. I have embraced my pain. But my heart needs to begin the healing process. So I pray for peace, patience, and strength to continue down this journey. I pray that my upcoming FET (frozen embryo transfer) will end with a happy story. One filled with baby giggles, dirty diapers and long sleep deprived nights. Most of all, I pray for healing; mind, body and soul.

Today I had a vision that Zoe came to me and told me we are going to have a little boy. I have never dreamed of Zoe or had a vision as vivid and real as the one today. Thank you Zoe, I love you.

Comments

  1. BreeJanuary 17, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    What a beautiful vision. Thinking of you! Praying for your peace and healing too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CourtneyJanuary 18, 2010 at 7:48 AM

    It still gives me goosebumps when I hear that Zoe came to you with a vision. Be still my heart. I too will be thinking of you and praying for peace ... mind, body and soul. We will be here for you always.
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  3. MaryJanuary 18, 2010 at 12:45 PM

    Hoping that all goes well. I pray that the vision of Zoe gives you some comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HollyJanuary 20, 2010 at 1:14 PM

    I love your vision and I pray that it comes true!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Never forgetting GregoryJanuary 20, 2010 at 10:34 PM

    I am so glad you had that wonderful vision. My fingers are crossed that this FET brings you all the joy and happiness your heart deserves. Life will never be the same without Zoe, but it can be so much better for you, and I hope that happens ASAP.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Beta

So...my level today was 108!!! The nurse said that was a perfect, healthy number...not too high, not too low. Chances are good we have one little charm in there. Which is PERFECT. We won't know for sure until our u/s...but I have been thinking it's one...and a boy. I feel really connected to a little boy, and awhile ago, Zoe came to me in a dream and said we were going to get pregnant with one baby, a little boy, and things were going to be fine. :-) Sweet little baby of mine...comforting her momma even in spirit. It's strange to be pregnant right now...It doesn't feel real quite yet. It does, but it doesn't. I feel really secure about this pregnancy...almost at peace. I feel deep in my heart we are going to bring home a living baby. It's will be strange to be a mother of 2, one in spirit and one here on Earth. I love Zoelle so deeply, and miss her with each breath I take. I wish she was here to share in the joy of this new life. At the same time, the new life ...
16 comments
Read more

Testing, testing,...1...2...3

So I couldn't resist!!! I tried! Yesterday morning I woke up at 4:30 with the urge! The urge to hopefully break our BFN streak and prove to be pregnant. Well, into the bathroom I went, gingerly tip-toeing across the hardwood, attempting to avoid waking up Tim. I slowing opened the home pregnancy test package, praying that what I have been expecting was true. There I was, starring at the test...waiting for the line to arrive (Where else to go during the wee hours of the morning...I was trying not to wake up Tim, or the pups downstairs!). Then it appeared, like a magic trick right before my very own eyes! The faintest of faint pink line. It was so faint, I thought for sure it wasn't real. I bursted back into the bedroom "Tim...Tim...are yo awake?" In reply "Kate, it's 4:30 in the morning, what the heck are you doing up?" "I just took a pregnancy test, there are TWO LINES!" Tim's first reply was "why are you testing already and why at 4:...
16 comments
Read more

Our Rainbow!!!!!

Amazing...simply amazing. I am soaking up every moment. I am so thankful for our little girl. So...introducing River Zoelle Mirth 8 pounds, 11 ounces and 22 inches long!!! Labor was long, hard yet amazingly wonderful. 12 hours of labor and just over 3 hours of pushing (these are the things the docs don't tell you can happen!!!) But we did it!!! Our rainbow is finally here safely in our arms.
14 comments
Read more