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Feeling like a bitch

Sometimes I get so frustrated! I think I am going to leave facebook...for good! Every time I get on there I am left feeling depressed. I swear all I see is pregnant pictures, baby updates and smart ass remarks how peoples kids are "driving them nuts." Better yet people complaining about pregnancy nausea or whatever...seriously? You think that is a difficult pregnancy because you are having morning sickness? How about trying for months to get pregnant, having ovaries so large I was on bedrest, a subchorionic bleed for weeks then losing my daughter at 24 weeks. Nausea? I wish that was the worst of my worries when I was pregnant.

Maybe I am jealous...we have been trying for over a year to get pregnant and we are not. I sit back and watch all of my friends, family and coworkers have babies...living babies. I go to showers, birthday parties and whatever else I get invited to...yet here we are with empty arms? How can I not be cynical? I am to the point I don't give a shit if I offend people or say something rude. People say insensitive, rude comments to me ALL OF THE TIME.

Honestly, I am over this whole deal. At this point, I don't give a fuck if I get pregnant or not. I guess I am setting myself up for failure because it's all I have come to know this year. I am failing at something I have absolutely not control over. Yet I have to watch the world have baby after baby...

So...call me a bitch. I don't care. Call me jealous...I am. I am angry and annoyed. WTF!

Comments

  1. CourtneyJanuary 21, 2010 at 7:25 PM

    You are far from a bitch Kate. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I remember feeling the same way after my failed FET. If you need to leave FB I say go for it. It's evil and you do not need to see anything that will upset you. I know, that shit upsets me too and I still want to leave FB especially when my SIL posts about her pregnancy blah. I had terrible morning sickness with the boys and would do it 100x over again if they could be here with me.

    Always here for you!
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  2. BreeJanuary 21, 2010 at 7:33 PM

    I hear you! I got very upset at friend today who was complaining about breastfeeding for 8 weeks. Telling me I shouldn't do it. Really? I'd give anything to have a baby at my breast. People suck! Will you still text me your status updates when you leave fb?

    ReplyDelete
  3. AngelaJanuary 21, 2010 at 8:54 PM

    I agree w/ you Kate. Social networking after you lose a baby is beyond unimaginable honestly! I deleted my FB and myspace a few months after Ella died..I was just done w/ it. And it was the BEST thing I ever did! I recommend it. I am back on FB now under an alias talking to only a few ppl ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Akul's mamaJanuary 21, 2010 at 9:52 PM

    I do not go for any baby showers. Actually I do not go near any baby. I held my dying child in my arms, against my chest for three whole days - his cry - the one single cry I heard haunts me. I cannot hear any baby cry - it just acts like an arrow piercing my heart. I must be a really selfish person to not want to hold any babies - but that is how I am.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Never forgetting GregoryJanuary 24, 2010 at 5:36 PM

    Honestly, I felt and still sometimes feel the same way. I have had to "hide" many people on FB because of the complaints I would see about their kids or talk would talk about how they are pregnant and are praying so hard for a boy/girl...rather than being freaking happy to have a living child. It sucks. When it isn't happening for you, it sure does feel like the entire rest of the world is pregnant or with babies. All I can offer you is hugs and tell you I understand.

    ReplyDelete

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