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Antisocial

This past week has been difficult for me. The 4th of July marked 6 months since Zoe's death. When do we stop counting the months? I am not for sure if it is healthy or a simply a part of the healing process. Either way, I am still counting.

I haven't seen any of my friends in weeks...I can't even remember the last time to be honest. I know I am depressed....I stopped taking my zoloft (the infamous mistake)! I feel a bit damned if you do damned if you don't. I truly wish I could do more for Zoe....I wish I could be of more support to others who are grieving. I feel a little lost in my thoughts. I think I may need to make a trip to see my counsler. Although, counsling isn't what I need or want....but I guess I don't get what I want...at least not in this care.

Still no period. One more day of my provera....I guess I will just continue to wait. More waiting...wait for my period, wait for my follicle, wait for my egg....wait for my BFP...and hopefully one day...wait for our baby to be alive and well.

Comments

  1. BrennaJuly 9, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    Are we on the same wavelength or what? I'm so sorry Kate. The waiting is SO very hard. Sending hugs in your direction~

    ReplyDelete
  2. BreeJuly 9, 2009 at 9:48 AM

    I feel so down this week too. I'm sorry Kate.

    I was just thinking about the whole counting thing. After Ella's DD, will I then say "oh, today she would have been one week, two weeks, three weeks old..." I feel like there is something to mourn forever.

    The waiting is killing me too. My husband is starting to think I'm a little crazy. But, the hope for another baby is what keeps me from jumping off a building or drowning myself in the tub.

    I'm sorry I didn't realize Zoe's 6 month anniversary was Saturday. I bet it was nice to see fireworks that day.

    Thinking of you. Hang in there. XXX

    ReplyDelete
  3. CourtneyJuly 9, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    It has honestly been a horid month. I know we are only 9 days into the month but I have so far only had one totally positive day. I too have come to be antisocial. I just can't help it.

    I cannot believe we are at the 6month mark. I will never stop counting the day/months/years. I just can't. It is not any easier. In fact ... its starting to feel like day one all over again at times.

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Never forgetting GregoryJuly 9, 2009 at 6:34 PM

    I hope you get AF soon after you stop the provera. I always got it within 3 days of stopping the pill. I'm sorry you are in a funk. I don't know when you will stop counting. I'm still counting. =( Why did you stop taking the zoloft? Did you have side effects? I just started taking it, so I'm curious. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. KateJuly 10, 2009 at 10:42 AM

    Holly...I actually felt pretty good on Zoloft...but it made me so tired!!! The problem with that is I work nights, and it seemed like there was never an ideal time for me to take it. If I took it when I got off work at 7:30 I was exhausted and foggy on my days off...and obviously I can't take it before work. So it was difficult. I am really contemplating starting it again though...it really seemed to be helping.

    ReplyDelete
  6. RiffJuly 11, 2009 at 9:20 PM

    Hi honey! I know July 4 was a terrible day. Six months...how has the time come and gone so quickly for our girls???

    Do not beat yourself up about feeking antisocial. Your real friends understand and will be there when you are ready.

    You know my feelings on better living thru chemistry. Maybe Zoloft is not for you, or maybe you just needed more time for your system to adjust. I have been very happy with my Celexa...once I decided to be firm about taking it and not go on and off. Speak with your doc.

    Congrats to Mirthful on being a Top Team! What a beautiful tribute to our angels =)

    Love you, A.

    ReplyDelete

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