Sigh....the dreaded question. Being a nurse, I am asked them question by family members frequently during causal small talk. At first I found it more comfortable to say no...I really didn't want to go there. However, I quickly discovered that I feel like I am cheating Zoelle by not acknowledging her. Of course I have a child! Although she may not be living, she is still my child...my very loved, precious, beautiful child.
I am curious, if you don't mind sharing, what do you do when this question arises? Now I say, "yes, I have a little girl who passed away January 4th 2009."
I am curious, if you don't mind sharing, what do you do when this question arises? Now I say, "yes, I have a little girl who passed away January 4th 2009."
I do the same thing. I first say that I have twin sons. Then they usually ask how old they are, I said well they passed away on their date of birth. It suck but I use to do the same thing (No I do not have children) but like you I felt like I was cheating the boys and not acknowledging them which isn't fair. So now it is ALWAYS a yes = )
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It is absolutely always a yes... I have three boys. Our youngest son passed away in November.
ReplyDeleteIt's always hard to answer, but harder not to acknowledge Nicholas at all. He is a very important part of our family.
I have thought about this so much. I understand the reasons if one chooses to say I don't have any children, but I've decided that I want to talk about Ella. So far now, I do say, "I had a beautiful daughter named Ella, she passed away at birth." If that makes someone uncomfortable, then so be it. I am a mom. I carried my baby, I birthed her, I still worry about her day and night. I want to be acknowledged as a mom.
ReplyDeleteLike Bree, Lea and Courtney said, I also acknowledge our sons. I say I have three boys who were born prematurely and went to heaven on Sept. 25, 2008. It just feels too strange and untrue for me to answer "no."
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone...we are all mothers of very precious children. I tell people that Tenley is my Christmas angel and she passed. Many people see my tattoo and it is a great chance to talk about her, her name and what the tat represents.
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