Well, I have concluded that most people have no idea what preterm babies and their families go through. People were asking about the baby at work last night, and most people still think I had a miscarriage at 24 weeks. I am sure a miscarriage would be difficult, but I kindly informed them I delivered a living, breathing baby. This same person made the comment that "99.9% of pregnant woman have healthy babies." (I think she was trying to give me hope for the future). Too bad she has no idea. (It drives me insane when people pull statistics out of their butt! Ehhh) Most people can't understand the idea of giving birth to a tiny, perfect human and waching her die. I ask myself everyday...should we have tried to save her? Could we have intubated her? Was she really too small for a central line? I do know she died in peace in the arms of her parents. One of the only gifts I was able to give her. I also love the question..."did you name her?" Hmm...really? Of course we named OUR DAUGHTER! Really? Actually, she was name long before she was born. We knew we were having a girl, but no one had any idea we knew! :-) We bought pink "it's a girl" cigars as little Christmas gifts to share the news. We love our baby.
Anyway...just another sad day in the life of a grieving mother. I miss her so deeply, it hurts. Working nights is rough...and working in the ICU makes it all the much harder. I am surrounded by sadness everywhere I turn. I need a ray of shine shine to beam down on this sad soul of mine.
Anyway...just another sad day in the life of a grieving mother. I miss her so deeply, it hurts. Working nights is rough...and working in the ICU makes it all the much harder. I am surrounded by sadness everywhere I turn. I need a ray of shine shine to beam down on this sad soul of mine.
Oh Kate - sending you a little ray of sunshine from Canada. No, people really have no clue....
ReplyDeleteStrength to you.
xo
Oh sweet girl. I wish people would turn on their sensors when talking to us angel mommies. It is sometimes very hard to talk with people who our outside of our grief box and have never been through it.
ReplyDeleteI hope your day brightens up. *hugs*
99.9% of pregnant woman have healthy babies--what a bunch of bunk! The U.S. has a 12.7% preterm birth rate--not too hot. In 2004, the United States was 29th IN THE WORLD in infant mortality. The U.S. infant mortality rate was 6.78 infant deaths per 1,000 live births in 2004. Does any of that equal 99.9% of pregnant woman having healthy babies? I'm afraid not!
ReplyDeleteI understand that this woman was probably trying to reassure you, and it's nice that you can try to see it that way. But come on...how can that make someone who's lost a baby feel anything but bad, as though they did something wrong to fall into the tiny percentage of mothers who don't get to take home their babies? The sad fact is, we lose far more babies than we should in this country, mostly to disparities in our health care system that prevent some of those in dire need of medical care from receiving it.
Okay. Off my soapbox. ;) (Can you tell that I used to work for the Association of Maternal and Child Health Programs? We partnered with March of Dimes on a number of projects, so I feel somewhat clued in to this issue...)
Yuck. I hate conversations like that. Those people make those comments and then never think about it again, while you have to keep it running through your mind as a grieving mother. Hope you get some sunshine soon. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteMy first wish is that no mamma would ever lose her baby, ever again. My second wish is that we had an easy button to carry us away from people that have no idea what they are saying, even when they think they are being nice. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI wish people were more understanding. Someone asked me a while back if I was still affected by my miscarriage. I was like..um..yes, we held our son and took pictures. I'll never be over that. And he was like "oh...you gave birth?" WHAT?? Ugh.
ReplyDelete