Well, the time has arrived, April 22, 2009...my little jelly bean's due date. It's been a dreary week here at the Mirth home. Just uncomfortably sad. I have discovered no matter how much pain I am experiencing the Earth continues to rotate and life progresses forward. Sometimes I secretly wish the world would just pause for a moment and acknowledge that my heart is broken. A bit extreme and egotistical, but honest. Today my world seems to be covered by a dark cloud, looming over my head. I am sad for me and my family and furthermore, I am sad for all of the parents out there who have lost children or a loved one. I wish we could have a reprieve for this heartache, respite seems like the best medicine for such pain. From the outside looking in, I guess some would say I seem to be doing well. However, I hate when people say that to me...I may look like I am keeping it together, but I do it because people can't handle how much pain I truly feel. When people ask me how I am doing...if I told them or even portrayed how I am truly feeling, it would freak most people out. But, once again, people don't know what to say to those of us grieving, and it is what it is. Annoying and irritating as that may be. I love having my outlets, such as here and my support group. When people ask me how I am doing,I know I can let loose. I guess my writing is my respite. I can't imagine going through all of this without the wonder people I have found here and my support group which I just love!I thought I would share things we have done to honor our Zoefly.
- We had a beautiful memorial service for Zoelle with family and friends. I read a poem which I had written for her, and Tim wrote her a song, "Zoelle's Lullaby" and played his guitar.
- My mom started a memorial bracelet for me. I have posted pictures of it...it's beautiful
- We have a Zoe corner in the living room with her urn, a picture and a beautiful glass plaque a friend gave to me.
- I started a scrapbook, which I plan to continue to add to on her birthday and special days.
- I started Team Mirthful in honor of Zoe for the March of Dimes...I would love to do it every year if it works out that way.
- We started a memorial garden at our house. I found this beautiful stain glass butterfly and placed it in her garden. I am going to keep that area of the garden very girlie. :-)
- My mom made a beautiful quilt with her picture and footprints for her sewing room. It turned out so beautifully...I just love it.
As you see, we have done many things to honor our baby, and will continue to do so for as long as I am alive! Zoe will always been a part of our lives, she is our perfect, very loved, very missed little girl. Mommy loves you, Zoe.
Thinking of you and your perfect Angel, Zoelle today and always. "Zoefly".... so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThe things you have done to honor and remember your baby girl sound wonderful and so special. Keep it up.
Sending you strength today.... xo
Hugs to you on this special day. I remember how hard the due date was... I was just so very angry, yet unbelievably sad. It is hard when people think you are "feeling better", when you aren't feeling better at all! We are all guilty of assuming things- and when someone assumes that, it makes things even harder. I am so proud of the things you have done to honor your daughter. Way to go!! I wish I could stop the world. It's hard when you see people having a good time and laughing, and it appears everything is perfect- you just want to yell- "I'm hurting" my little girl died- well I am here to listen!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you on this special day!
Erica
I'm so glad you found PP and that you have this space. Here (and at PP)--if no where else--the world WILL stop to hold you and your Zoefly in our thoughts on your due day. And in fact, on any day when you need a little extra support! We'll never forget your sweet girl, and we know how much you love her and how much she means to you. I think you and your family have done a beautiful job memorializing her, I'm so glad you have that support. xxoo ~Brenna
ReplyDeleteI have so many times felt like I wanted the world to just pause for a minute. I feel like I can't catch up. And you are right, when people say you look like you are doing well...they have NO idea. I remember making several posts about a looming dark cloud that I couldn't get rid of. Like you, I feel the best when I'm doing something to honor my son and, even though it isn't much, we are doing all we can. You are a wonderful mommy to Zoey. I'm thinking of you on this sad day. Hugs.
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