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Flashes of pain

I find myself "flashing back" (if you will) to Zoelle's birth. All I can picture is handing her over to the nurse and kissing her sweet lips for the very last time. I can't even express the pain my heart feels. Tears stream down my face I as think back to the beginning of the end. I pray everyday that we won't have to endure such pain twice. Please God, if you are there, or real or listening or whatever, please keep this baby safe. I feel like I am in the throws of painful territory. Three weeks from now I will be the same gestation as when my water ruptured with Zoelle. In exactly 32 days (fingers crossed) I will be the most pregnant I have ever been. This pregnancy is polar opposite of our first. I feel great, healthy and despite the deep rooted grief I experience, I feel almost "normal." I will always be amazed how my sweet little baby of merely 24 weeks gestation changed my life forever. It's an unbearable sensation to deal with the death of a baby. So innocent and sweet...her life taken too soon. For what reason? I search everyday for such an answer, only to be left with more questions. The next month is going to be difficult. From there we are in uncharted territory. The land of the unknown. I hope we can navigate safely to the land of the living baby.

Comments

  1. MaggieJune 17, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    Oh Kate, I do too! I do too. Hang in there sweetie!((((HUGS))))

    ReplyDelete
  2. HollyJune 17, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    Praying you can get to that land safely and reach the end with a live baby in your arms.

    ReplyDelete
  3. J-ROKJune 17, 2010 at 5:21 PM

    I wish I could fast-forward time for you! After knowing your story, 23 weeks was a big one for me. I'm looking forward to the day when we celebrate it's passing with a healthy babe tucked safely inside your womb. I'm sure Zoelle is whispering to her sister and telling her all about mama and dada!

    ReplyDelete
  4. CourtneyJune 17, 2010 at 10:04 PM

    *hugs* 2010 wasn't my year. I still believe deep down in my heart that it will be YOUR year. All my love

    ReplyDelete
  5. MaryJune 17, 2010 at 10:09 PM

    Praying for a full healthy pregnancy for you and the little one.

    ReplyDelete

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