It's hard to believe I am 12 weeks and 2 day! This first trimester flew by! Hopefully it keeps flying on by. Obviously I want to enjoy this pregnancy (at least as much as possible) but at the same time...I just want to bring my baby home ALIVE. Wow...what is that going to be like. I can't imagine what it will be like to see this little one's eye's open, hear her/him cry, and feel her little chest rise and fall with each breath as I hold her close. I have been listening to baby beans heart beat now for a couple of weeks. It's my daily routine. I take comfort in hearing it gallop away. Being pregnant with this child after losing our first is most certainly a strange sensation. When people ask "Oh is this your first" I will always be true to our daughter...not matter the rude response. When this baby is born, I will always speak of Zoelle and her short time here on Earth that forever changed us. I still harbor jealousy towards others who seemingly conceive and deliver with ease. Sometimes I wish people could understand my pain...even experience my pain. I feel almost dirty saying that...but it's honest and true. I am so grateful for this baby, and I truly feel like he/she is a miracle. This pregnancy has been healthy and unremarkable smooth. I will cherish every moment with this new, very precious life growing in my womb. I love you baby bean.
So I couldn't resist!!! I tried! Yesterday morning I woke up at 4:30 with the urge! The urge to hopefully break our BFN streak and prove to be pregnant. Well, into the bathroom I went, gingerly tip-toeing across the hardwood, attempting to avoid waking up Tim. I slowing opened the home pregnancy test package, praying that what I have been expecting was true. There I was, starring at the test...waiting for the line to arrive (Where else to go during the wee hours of the morning...I was trying not to wake up Tim, or the pups downstairs!). Then it appeared, like a magic trick right before my very own eyes! The faintest of faint pink line. It was so faint, I thought for sure it wasn't real. I bursted back into the bedroom "Tim...Tim...are yo awake?" In reply "Kate, it's 4:30 in the morning, what the heck are you doing up?" "I just took a pregnancy test, there are TWO LINES!" Tim's first reply was "why are you testing already and why at 4:...
Even if people haven't been in your shoes they should be able to imagine how they would feel if they were. I don't understand why people can't do that. I am so happy to hear that you honor your daughter no matter what it does to those who ask. I have read many baby lost mothers who will say no and that hurts my heart when I hear that. I am so thrilled for you and can't wait to meet him/her. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteThank you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI will shamefully admit it right now, I think that too... about others experiencing that pain. I just want people to understand where I'm coming from so much and that's really the only way anyone will. I'm so glad everything is healthy and going well! Keep it up!! :)
ReplyDeleteKate I think about you all the time. I pray that you continue to have a smooth pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteHugs honey - happy 12 weeks!!! xxx
ReplyDeleteHappy 12 weeks!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Thanks for the comment on Busted, and it reminded me to swing by here and check on you, fellow Kate!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 12 weeks (almost 13 now), and you must be so thrilled to be coming into your 2nd trimester. I'm so hoping this one sticks for me so we can go through this together!