It's hard to believe I am 12 weeks and 2 day! This first trimester flew by! Hopefully it keeps flying on by. Obviously I want to enjoy this pregnancy (at least as much as possible) but at the same time...I just want to bring my baby home ALIVE. Wow...what is that going to be like. I can't imagine what it will be like to see this little one's eye's open, hear her/him cry, and feel her little chest rise and fall with each breath as I hold her close. I have been listening to baby beans heart beat now for a couple of weeks. It's my daily routine. I take comfort in hearing it gallop away. Being pregnant with this child after losing our first is most certainly a strange sensation. When people ask "Oh is this your first" I will always be true to our daughter...not matter the rude response. When this baby is born, I will always speak of Zoelle and her short time here on Earth that forever changed us. I still harbor jealousy towards others who seemingly conceive and deliver with ease. Sometimes I wish people could understand my pain...even experience my pain. I feel almost dirty saying that...but it's honest and true. I am so grateful for this baby, and I truly feel like he/she is a miracle. This pregnancy has been healthy and unremarkable smooth. I will cherish every moment with this new, very precious life growing in my womb. I love you baby bean.
So...my level today was 108!!! The nurse said that was a perfect, healthy number...not too high, not too low. Chances are good we have one little charm in there. Which is PERFECT. We won't know for sure until our u/s...but I have been thinking it's one...and a boy. I feel really connected to a little boy, and awhile ago, Zoe came to me in a dream and said we were going to get pregnant with one baby, a little boy, and things were going to be fine. :-) Sweet little baby of mine...comforting her momma even in spirit. It's strange to be pregnant right now...It doesn't feel real quite yet. It does, but it doesn't. I feel really secure about this pregnancy...almost at peace. I feel deep in my heart we are going to bring home a living baby. It's will be strange to be a mother of 2, one in spirit and one here on Earth. I love Zoelle so deeply, and miss her with each breath I take. I wish she was here to share in the joy of this new life. At the same time, the new life
Even if people haven't been in your shoes they should be able to imagine how they would feel if they were. I don't understand why people can't do that. I am so happy to hear that you honor your daughter no matter what it does to those who ask. I have read many baby lost mothers who will say no and that hurts my heart when I hear that. I am so thrilled for you and can't wait to meet him/her. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteThank you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI will shamefully admit it right now, I think that too... about others experiencing that pain. I just want people to understand where I'm coming from so much and that's really the only way anyone will. I'm so glad everything is healthy and going well! Keep it up!! :)
ReplyDeleteKate I think about you all the time. I pray that you continue to have a smooth pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteHugs honey - happy 12 weeks!!! xxx
ReplyDeleteHappy 12 weeks!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Thanks for the comment on Busted, and it reminded me to swing by here and check on you, fellow Kate!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 12 weeks (almost 13 now), and you must be so thrilled to be coming into your 2nd trimester. I'm so hoping this one sticks for me so we can go through this together!