Tim and I have written an email to the family regarding how difficult Christmas is going to be this year (in response to an email about what we want for Christmas and our plans). Tim also wrote on the family blog that we are having a difficult time with the holidays and will not be celebrating this year. Guess how many people responded? ZERO! People kept writing posts about what gifts they want as if Tim never said a word. I sit her with tears streaming down my face wondering if things will ever be the same? I am deeply hurt. Is it too much to ask for at least a simple acknowledgement that on Christmas last year my water ruptured at 22 weeks and I was on bed rest through new years almost 3 hours away from our home. Only to delivery our daughter on 1-4-09 and watch her slip way? Why are we the bad guys? Why the hell will not one person acknowledge our pain in this family? What does it take?
So...my level today was 108!!! The nurse said that was a perfect, healthy number...not too high, not too low. Chances are good we have one little charm in there. Which is PERFECT. We won't know for sure until our u/s...but I have been thinking it's one...and a boy. I feel really connected to a little boy, and awhile ago, Zoe came to me in a dream and said we were going to get pregnant with one baby, a little boy, and things were going to be fine. :-) Sweet little baby of mine...comforting her momma even in spirit. It's strange to be pregnant right now...It doesn't feel real quite yet. It does, but it doesn't. I feel really secure about this pregnancy...almost at peace. I feel deep in my heart we are going to bring home a living baby. It's will be strange to be a mother of 2, one in spirit and one here on Earth. I love Zoelle so deeply, and miss her with each breath I take. I wish she was here to share in the joy of this new life. At the same time, the new life
I am so sorry for the insensitivity of everyone surrounding you and your DH. I really think most people don't 'get it' when you lose a child. Until it happens to them, it is incomprehendable. Much love and support to you through these difficult times. Here's to hoping we both have some reason to smile during this holiday season. xxoo
ReplyDeleteKate: I continue to keep you in my prayers. I do not understand what is happening with your family. As I do not know them, I would never guess what is behind their actions. All I can do is pray that you find peace, with or without them. Let's make some plans to get together before the holidays.
ReplyDeleteLove to you, Tim and Zoelle, A.
So sorry hon. I will never understand how time moves forward for everyone but us. All I can think of is they dont know what to say. It took alot of strength to be open and honest about your feelings on the holidays, so I would stick with your gut (no matter how hard it feels like its being punched), and do what is best for you and your hubby. Sendin hugs, Nan xo
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you. How can family do that.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me I would have said:
We are so sorry for your pain and totally understand your feelings about Christmas and we will respect your wishes. If there is anything we can do to help you please let us know. Take care and God Bless. Love, Family Members!!!!!
It is the same over here as well. People are not understanding or respecting our wishes to NOT celebrate the holidays. It's not the same and it never will be the same. Jason and I are very much willing to come down there and NOT celebrate the holidays with you guys.
ReplyDeleteLove you Kate! Always here for you!!!!!
I wish you could just fast forward through the holiday season! Do you think your family misinterpreted your request and think that you don't want the holidays or your pain acknowledged at all? Much love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Kate. Sometimes I think that unless you've lost a child, you can't begin to appreciate the pain involved. But we expect more of our family members, and it's disappointing that you haven't received the support I'd expect in response to your message. Thinking about you!
ReplyDeletexxoo
Brenna
It is very hard for others to understand our pain and even if they do it is impossible for them to know how to respond. HUgsssssss.
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm so sorry you are getting such a response. That is just unacceptable. It is definitely NOT too much to ask for. You went through so much and your family should be eager to try and help you through this season. We slept through Christmas last year, on purpose. We stayed up really late the night before and then slept the day away so that we didn't have to think too much about what was missing. Hugs to you. I hope your family members get their acts together.
ReplyDeleteAwwwe hun! I am so sorry. People can be so cruel. Sending you great big hugs!
ReplyDelete