Kate's Corner

Okay...like I have said before, the next few weeks are my dreaded "what the hell is going to happen" weeks. It's like being in limbo! When you have experienced PTL, you know that is generally happens in the second trimester when you are at the mercy of time. Always wanting and longing for more time to get your baby as far long gestationally as possible. Anyway...so yesterday I felt like I was leaking a bit. Not a lot, but enough to notice. (TMI warning heading!!!) I have found that pregnancy causes an increase in my normal discharge, so sometimes it hard to tell what is really going on down there. So, I called the nurse at the office and told her the scoop. As soon as I reminded her that I had a pre term rupture of membranes (pPROM) with our first pregnancy her response was "okay...that's all I needed to hear...I am calling L&D triage and letting them know you are on your way." Sigh...oh great...here we go again. So at this point, I am not too panicked. ...

Well, things are still going well. I get my progesterone on Monday and see the doc for my check up on Tuesday. I hope we have an uneventful check up and most importantly, I hope baby mirth is happy and healthy!!

I find myself "flashing back" (if you will) to Zoelle's birth. All I can picture is handing her over to the nurse and kissing her sweet lips for the very last time. I can't even express the pain my heart feels. Tears stream down my face I as think back to the beginning of the end. I pray everyday that we won't have to endure such pain twice. Please God, if you are there, or real or listening or whatever, please keep this baby safe. I feel like I am in the throws of painful territory. Three weeks from now I will be the same gestation as when my water ruptured with Zoelle. In exactly 32 days (fingers crossed) I will be the most pregnant I have ever been. This pregnancy is polar opposite of our first. I feel great, healthy and despite the deep rooted grief I experience, I feel almost "normal." I will always be amazed how my sweet little baby of merely 24 weeks gestation changed my life forever. It's an unbearable sensation to deal with the death of a ba...

I found this today and it really touched me. I know most of my readers are bereaved parents, however, I found it to be so true. Sometimes I wish I could just send a mass email out to the world to let everyone know how we feel. We hurt. Even as time passes, my heart breaks for my daughter. It's hard to believe that it really happened. It's the kind of thing you only hear about...not the thing that happens to me . Not to our baby...but it is real. So painful and real. Sometimes I find that preemies are disregarded...as if since they were early, tiny and delicate they don't really "count." I have heard all of the insensitive bullshit...so ignorant not even worth mentioning. The comments hurt. Even being pregnant for the second time, the "Congrats to the parents-to-be" cards really offended me. Would you send that to a parent with a living child? Friendships change when you lose a child. Many people can't take it. They can't handle the pain of a gri...

It's hard to believe, but I am 18 weeks and doing really well! I am seeing the doctor every other week for cervical measurements and so far so good. NO CERCLAGE! Yay! I started my progesterone (p17) injections last week. A home health care nurse comes to the house, checks my vitals and listens to the baby's heart beat and gives me my shot. She spent over an hour with me going over PTL, nutrition, braxton hicks, contractions and baby kick counts. Lots of information. So essentially I am seeing either a nurse or a doctor once a week. Although I am feeling pretty good and even a bit confident...I most certainly don't take this pregnancy for granted...not even for a split second. She is our little gift. I pray everyday for her safety. I will never understand why babies die. It is heartbreaking...it's not fair. The next 6 weeks are big weeks for us. My water ruptured at 22 weeks with Zoelle and we delivered her at 23.3 weeks. Getting to 24 weeks is a HUGE deal. I am elated t...