I feel so tired today. I haven't slept well since I went to the hospital on Christmas night. I feel a bit annoyed today as well, so I think I am going to write of list of the things not to say to someone who lost their child. I am sure this list will continue to grow.
1. It was God's plan- are you kidding me! Do you think for one minute that I give a damned that is was god's plan to take my child. It wasn't my plan!
2. It was for the best- again...seriously???? I feel like saying..."you do not even know my situation, how can you determine that it was for the best?"
3. You can try again- I LOVE this one! Yeah, people who go through infertility treatment definitely love this one. It was hard enough to get pregnant with her...we had no intentions of "trying again."
4. She is in a better place- Wow...thanks for that brilliant insight. I am pretty sure, being in my arms, in my care is a damned good place. I just don't buy that bs.
Actually, I thought the list would be much longer, but for now that about covers it. Yesterday when I went to work to get the okay to come back, the nurse (i guess she was a nurse, couldn't see her badge) actually said comments 2 and 3 back to back. I wanted to scream!
I know people just want to help and they simply don't know what to say. But the best thing to say is I am sorry, how are you feeling? Or just the I am sorry part works well too.
1. It was God's plan- are you kidding me! Do you think for one minute that I give a damned that is was god's plan to take my child. It wasn't my plan!
2. It was for the best- again...seriously???? I feel like saying..."you do not even know my situation, how can you determine that it was for the best?"
3. You can try again- I LOVE this one! Yeah, people who go through infertility treatment definitely love this one. It was hard enough to get pregnant with her...we had no intentions of "trying again."
4. She is in a better place- Wow...thanks for that brilliant insight. I am pretty sure, being in my arms, in my care is a damned good place. I just don't buy that bs.
Actually, I thought the list would be much longer, but for now that about covers it. Yesterday when I went to work to get the okay to come back, the nurse (i guess she was a nurse, couldn't see her badge) actually said comments 2 and 3 back to back. I wanted to scream!
I know people just want to help and they simply don't know what to say. But the best thing to say is I am sorry, how are you feeling? Or just the I am sorry part works well too.
Katie,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Tiffany and I am also a core member from Precious Parents, I couldn't make it to the meeting on Tuesday night (car troubles). I found your blog spot through our yahoo group and I just wanted to say how much your story touched me, I am so happy that you found our group.
I have to say that we have a list of "What not to say to a grieving parent" and all of what you wrote are on them and then some.
You nailed it on the head when you said that people just don't know what to say, but it dosen't make those comments sting any less.
I look forward to seeing you and your husband at next month's meeting.
Talk to you soon,
Tiffany Lynn
Mom to angel Preston Sept 22, 2002 - Sept 23,2002
Lauren 5
Kayla 3
Kamryn 17mos