So I think I am in bereavement overload! Yesterday I saw the counselor for the first time. I guess if anything it was reassuring to know that what I am experiencing is normal. The concept of sitting on a couch and rehashing your terrible story is still a bit foriegn to be, but I have been told it does help. I really like her though...she seemed deeply sorry by my situation. It's funny, she asked what I do for fun right now? Hmm...good question. I guess why current outlets are writing here, planning for the march for babies and playing chess with Tim. Nothing too exciting really, but they keep my mind occupied. I am going back next week, Monday. Zoe's memorial service is on Saturday and I go back to work Tuesday. I think it will be helpful to see her again.
Tim and I also went to a support group for parents who lost there babies- precious parents. It was really difficult to hear so many sad stories. There were several new people, and most of us lost our children around the holidays. But the core group of parents who started the group several years ago gave a glimmer of hope. Hope that with time heart heal. We talked about how although are babies have passed, they are still our children. All of the parents do something speacial on thier birthdays. The one family has a birthday party for thier daughter. I like that idea. They release ballons and have a cake to remember her. I like the idea of buying a chirstmas ornament for Zoe each year.
Today I have been thinking about how pregnancy in general will never be the same for me. It will never be sweet and innocent. I will always be freaking out! Losing my baby at the brink of the 3rd trimester makes it difficult to enjoy the first and second trimester. I thought at first that part of healing for me would be getting pregnant. I am not so sure I feel that way now. I think it will be very stressful and taxing on my mind and soul. One of the ladies at the group talked about how pregnancy after a loss is very difficult and shared her experience. Although I look forward to the hope of a second child, the thought is very overwhelming and scary.
Overall, I did like the counserlor- I will go back. And the support group has high potential to be healing for me and Tim as well I believe. We will go back.
Putting together the March for babies has been great for me. I love planning, so planning this has been a great outlet. It's perfect becuase it will honor Zoe around the time she was to be born. April and May are going to be painful for me. So having a new focus will help ease the pain. I am excited so many people are interested. I think it will be a great opportunity to have people get together and have fun. I am sure that will be a much needed event for me.
Tim and I also went to a support group for parents who lost there babies- precious parents. It was really difficult to hear so many sad stories. There were several new people, and most of us lost our children around the holidays. But the core group of parents who started the group several years ago gave a glimmer of hope. Hope that with time heart heal. We talked about how although are babies have passed, they are still our children. All of the parents do something speacial on thier birthdays. The one family has a birthday party for thier daughter. I like that idea. They release ballons and have a cake to remember her. I like the idea of buying a chirstmas ornament for Zoe each year.
Today I have been thinking about how pregnancy in general will never be the same for me. It will never be sweet and innocent. I will always be freaking out! Losing my baby at the brink of the 3rd trimester makes it difficult to enjoy the first and second trimester. I thought at first that part of healing for me would be getting pregnant. I am not so sure I feel that way now. I think it will be very stressful and taxing on my mind and soul. One of the ladies at the group talked about how pregnancy after a loss is very difficult and shared her experience. Although I look forward to the hope of a second child, the thought is very overwhelming and scary.
Overall, I did like the counserlor- I will go back. And the support group has high potential to be healing for me and Tim as well I believe. We will go back.
Putting together the March for babies has been great for me. I love planning, so planning this has been a great outlet. It's perfect becuase it will honor Zoe around the time she was to be born. April and May are going to be painful for me. So having a new focus will help ease the pain. I am excited so many people are interested. I think it will be a great opportunity to have people get together and have fun. I am sure that will be a much needed event for me.
Hi Kate, I'm sorry that I'm meeting you under these circumstances, but I'm so glad that you and your husband attended the meeting this week. I'll be thinking about you this weekend and hoping that Zoe's memorial service is a positive and healing experience for you. We haven't had one for our boys, and I regret that. I'd like to do something on their first birthday in September. At any rate, thank you for sharing your blog with the group. I'll look forward to following your journey here.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Brenna