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I have been on facebook this week...mainly to torture myself with cute pictures of happy mommies and little babies the same age as Zoe. I need to find a facebook anonymous meeting...

"my name is Kate and I am addicted to the infliction of self torture via scanning through pictures on facebook of babies and baby bellies."

sigh...

maybe I should crawl back into my dark whole where we once spoke face to face with our friends. Facebook to me a facade of happiness. Happy little pictures with cute little updates of daily ramblings. I pretend to be no such thing...my life has it's up's...but most certainly it has it's downs. But here's the thing...NO ONE gives a shit about your "downs." No one wants to hear the uncomfortable true response to "how are you?." "Oh..I am stressed out grieving mother who is hormonal as hell and really wants to bite someone's head off!" Yes, this could be the hormones talking...I mean...it's not like I am injecting myself with lupron every freakin morning for the last 2 weeks. It's MAKING ME CRAZY people!

No I don't need a counselor
No I dont' need drugs
No I don't need a freaking nap

I need my baby to be alive
I need to get pregnant without feeling like a freak!
I want to feel just a tiny bit NORMAL...but no such luck is heading my way.

Tune in next time for more mildly entertainingly ramblings of a hormonal mad woman!

Comments

  1. Debby@Just BreatheSeptember 7, 2009 at 8:40 AM

    I will pray for all your wants. ((HUGS)) I do care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BreeSeptember 7, 2009 at 10:27 AM

    I hear ya. I don't know why I joined back on, either. But, it's definately helped seeing you and Erin there. I've been kind of lurking there. I haven't made any status updates and truly only a few friends have noticed that I'm back on. I was just thinking to myself that since I signed back on, both you and my other lbm friend, Erin are the only ones who sent a message to say, "hey, how are you doing?" NONE of my other "friends" have done that.

    I'm starting provera today. Yay! (could you feel the sarcasm there?) Send me an email and let me know how all the IVF prep is going.

    ReplyDelete
  3. CourtneySeptember 7, 2009 at 3:18 PM

    I hear you as well. I am actually glad that you are on FB. I can chat with you now.

    Oh I found out my sister in law is trying to get pregnant =(

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2009 at 5:58 PM

    I swore myself off facebook today. Let's see how long I can go without torturing myself! The one thing I'm afraid of is missing something that I'll get hit with out of nowhere in person that I could have read about and cried about at home first! But I freaking HATE it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Marie WSeptember 8, 2009 at 11:19 AM

    I do the same thing too....

    ReplyDelete
  6. BrennaSeptember 8, 2009 at 12:15 PM

    Oh hon, you are NOT a freak!!! I know you know that... If you're a freak, then you're in the company of a WHOOOOOOLE lot of freaky ladies and gents out here who've also needed assistance in conceiving a child (and yes, said assistance can have the effect of making us slightly crazed and uber hormonal!). It's really hard to move forward into treatment again while you're still grieving the loss of your sweet Zoelle, but trust your heart to tell you that it's ready.

    I find that I'm not on Facebook very often these days for some of the reasons you pointed out--that it can be fairly surface and of course everyone is presenting their "best selves" in happy little blips and photos. But I linked to my blog once several months after we lost the boys and I had posted their birth story, and I must admit that I was blown away by some of the very genuine and unexpected support that came from that post. Facebook can be a force for good (as well as evil... ;).

    ReplyDelete
  7. MarySeptember 14, 2009 at 10:50 AM

    I did not know that you had a facebook account. I have actually been thinking about weeding out some "friends" for various reasons. I am on there too long sometimes just waiting and I don't know what I am waiting for. I noticed that no one posts to my wall. I don't get messages. I am just there playing games with "friends". E has now taken over some of the games. He said he may get his own account just for the games. That gave me a chuckle.

    ReplyDelete

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